Senior Words of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom

I shared this with my Chi Omega chapter for a bit of senior wisdom for the younger girls. Though there were so many things I wanted to share with them, his basically encompasses what life has been like this semester thus far and what I've learned as a whole throughout my time here at A&M.

        There are SO many things I've learned since being in College, and I would be up here for hours taking you through my experiences and things I wish I had known, but I want to share something that I've really come to be encouraged by, and this mindset has made all the difference in the world to me this year, and I wish it had been this way forever. Maybe this is me trying to simplify my life because everything around me seems like it’s always spinning so fast and changing and demanding and I can hardly grasp moments, maybe it stems from multiple experiences and trials, maybe it's searching for a deeper meaning to things and how to seek pure Holy Joy, maybe it's all I know to do right now at this very point as I'm on the verge of entering into a new, scary phase of life, or maybe it's spending some of my free time diving into inspirational books like the one I just finished, One Thousand Gifts. Regardless, here's what I want to leave you with tonight.

Give thanks and choose joy. I cannot express to you how important this is. So many times, in fact, my entire life I feel like, I have had the tendency to wish things away or while being in one moment, wishing I were someone or something else; I'm constantly thinking about the next moment or things on my to-do list. Are you? This results in never fully being in the moment, giving thanks to what is given to you in the present time, soaking in every minute so it doesn't pass you by too quickly; that's how time gets away from us and like myself, you will suddenly you look up and you're about to graduate. "I can’t wait to get away from my parents, I can't wait until next semester, I can't wait until I'm out of Architecture, out of Texas, until this test is over, wait until Christmas Break, until I have that outfit, until my hair looks this way," have been just a few personal quotes. After I have a boyfriend, or attend this party, or be accepted by this organization, THEN my life will begin, THEN I'll be satisfied and life can start. Sound familiar? But are we ever satisfied? What are you waiting for? There’s good news: you don’t have to wait any longer because it’s here! Give thanks. In the daily tasks, in the laundry, in the meetings, in walking to class, in studying, and even in the painful trials. If we view life like it's a movie- like one mere instance will be the climax (like getting engaged or getting accepted into PPA or becoming a Chi-O), that life isn't complete until it happens and after it does…then what? We're then waiting for something else instead of giving thanks for what's in the present and time gets away and we’re stressed and we’re overwhelmed and we wish it away and we’re stripped of joy. So many times I haven't fully been in conversation because I'm thinking about who I'm going to talk to next, or I'm not listening in class because I'm drowning in thinking about my to-do list for the next two weeks, and I'm letting time pass me by and opportunity to learn and I lose moments with people who aren’t going to live life here with me much longer without even noticing. And guess what? Now I only have 7 more months to be here. We're not even promised tomorrow, and we're so future-oriented and consumed in what all "we're waiting for" that the precious gifts that are given to us every second of every day are not appreciated, accepted, or fully embraced! How exhausting it is to never be satisfied where you are or who you are. Ever. God made EACH moment a gift, and each one is to be accepted with gratitude, and I'm learning, that with gratitude, comes joy. Holy Joy. Joy that you can overflow with, trusting that though you may not know what's coming next, though what's in front of you seems unknown or scary, God is going to light your path as you step one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. One moment at a time. Breathe, and enjoy! Don't wish away singleness for those who are single, don't wish away your experience living in the house, don't take for granted your roommates or friends or your parents your classes or your current involvements or uninvolvements. Don't treat life like it's an emergency, like you always have to be checking your texts, your Facebook, your e-mail, and editing your to-do list 100 times a day. Life is not an emergency. 
This summer, while in Europe, I tried to make it my theme to "Just…be." I wanted so badly to just BE over there, to not be on a strict schedule, to soak in every single minute and every conversation and every sight because I didn't know when I would be back! It was so beautiful and breathtaking and each moment I regarded as a treasure, but why didn't I do that here? Why can't I do that right now? Each moment here is just as beautiful and just as breathtaking in its own way. This is the time of your life! Yes, you will have many "times of your lives," but you're in THIS one RIGHT NOW. Maybe it comes with age, or the fact that my clinging to the Lord has brought thankfulness and joy and hope because that’s all I feel like I know to do in this life that seems so crazy, I don’t know, but this has made me appreciate who I am made to be, who others are, where I came from, and where I am RIGHT NOW. I’m more thankful for my parents, for my roommates, for my personal experiences, for Chi Omega, for Texas A&M. I wish I could say I’m perfect and this is always what goes on in my head, but that would be a lie because I’m still learning and growing and always will be. I just want to invite you to do this with me, with each other. Daily. Don't wish you were somewhere else or someone else, because it goes by all too quickly and you were created uniquely, and one day, you don't want to wish that you hadn’t wished it all away…So give thanks. In whatever way you know to do: out loud, making a list of 1000 things, writing thank you/encouraging letters to others, singing, breathing…being. Now. You will find that your gratitude and acceptance of each good and perfect gift, each moment and for who YOU are, will be married not with happiness, but true, inner, pure Holy Joy. Always give thanks, and choose JOY!

“Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy's flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust.” -One Thousand Gifts

Rainbow

My, it’s been a while. They say that it takes 21 days to form a habit, and I was definitely in the habit of writing and posting on my blog every day for the 28 days I was on the trip. What “they” seem to have failed to ever mention was how long it takes for a habit to be broken, and if it’s broken, how long does it take to re-form an old habit? This could get complicated. The simple matter is that my writing habit has been broken, along with my collarbone, and my recovery/life has felt like such a whirlwind, tossing me this way and that, and, quite frankly, it’s been hard to really gather myself and write something meaningful… or at least half way meaningful. I suppose I’ll try again, maybe I’ll go for “often” instead of “every day.”

 

God was faithful in reminding me how wonderful of parents I have, and the two extra weeks with them was special. However, as sentimental and special as they were, it was “time to leave the coop,” as my aunt sweetly put it. And it was. Before I knew it, I was on the road to “Big-D” (we’ve always called Dallas that; I assume it’s because it’s way bigger and more exciting than the small town grew up in) to move in with my best buds, my grandparents, and begin my internship with Make-A-Wish Foundation!

Still a little wimpy, numb, and sore, I started work on Monday, July 9. Walking through the doors of that place for the first time felt magical, and it was way bigger and held a larger staff than I initially thought! My job consists of 3 days a week, working with hosting parties, writing wish stories, and fundraising projects. It’s such great experience, and it’s been interesting being exposed to what it would truly be like having a 9-5 desk job in a very consistent work environment. My co-workers are great, and it’s been inspiring to see what all goes behind this wonderful organization to literally make kids dreams come true- a very rewarding job.

While here in Dallas, it’s been nice to pretty much be by myself, discovering new things I like and simply being on my own time. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with people and sharing special moments or experiences together, but there’s something different about being alone and having experiences that are just… made for me. Beautiful things that are just for me to etch on my heart or lock away in my imaginary memory box forever to treasure. I like going to eat by myself at Great Outdoors Subshop about twice a week. I like going to the pool and listening to the kids play categories as I pretend I’m back at camp. I like walking through the neighborhood and finding vintage treasures (AKA my new green desk!) to buy for my room. I like blaring the music and singing all the way to work, rocking my $5 shades I bought in Austria that somehow survived my sledding crash AND making it all the way home with me in one piece. I like making time to have dinner with my camper and her family. I like sitting in my grandmother’s backyard “sanctuary” in the mornings and eating oatmeal, yogurt, and fruit after my walks. I like shopping by myself. I like sitting in the mall’s Barnes and Noble listening to the rain, reading, and people watching.

You can really learn a lot about people by just watching them, and I particularly enjoyed listening to the quirky conversations of a large group of high school students at the table across from mine, envying their youth (although it wasn’t that long ago for me!) and thinking about all the things they have left to discover in life and giggling at the silly things that fascinated them. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m all Miss Mature either because as soon as the rain stopped, something special happened that brought me back to my own giddy, I-want-to-be-17-again self. Those teenagers suddenly all jumped up and squealed at the same time, looking at the window. Looking up at them, I said, “Is it a rainbow?!” “YES!” They excitedly responded. Forget being a mature adult. I sprinted to that window just as fast as they did, and we all marveled together at its mystery, it’s colors, it’s completeness, and it’s beauty. The Lord gently whispered, “This is my promise to my people,” and no matter what they believed, or anyone else admiring that big colorful thing in the sky that evening, we all took the time to look up, be captivated by something beautiful God created, and receive joy in some way. Well, it put a smile on my face anyway. If it weren’t for those kidos and their joy/lack of care of what others thought around them thought, I would have never seen that rainbow that brought me joy and peace. Thank you for the reminder that things like that will never get old. And that I want to ALWAYS be just a kid at heart.

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PSALM 23:2

My poor body. My poor brain. It's enough adjustment simply coming back to the United States from a trip of a lifetime. So much change hit me all at once, and I'll admit, it was quite overwhelming: I'm no longer in Europe. No more European food, people, or culture. No more traveling. No more anything I had gotten so used to, including the presence of my dear friends. I was handed back to my parents, and I was headed back to Henderson. Oh, not to mention, my entire left upper body was immobile. Needless to say, my parents were a bit shocked at my condition, and so much change all at once from me added together to make an...interesting reunion. 

After time to process all the way home, my parents went into ultra-parent mode with Dad leading the way. He was legitimately scared, and we talked through a lot of decisions. The first order of business was to get me off these intense Swiss meds written all in German that made my heart race as if I were running a million miles per hour. I was to see a very trusted, family friend surgeon on Tuesday, but until then, it was just a matter of accepting heaps of help, care, and love and just trying to stay as comfortable as possible. It's weird because I went from being so independent and Miss Adventurous to under 24/7 parental supervision that was DEFINITELY never in the plans. God has quite the sense of humor...

My surgery was on Tuesday, June 19 at 7:30 a.m. at Henderson Hospital. I received screws, a titanium plate, and a huge bandage. I woke up in extreme pain, on lots of meds, and in the most uncomfortable bed I've ever been in in my life! I was told I had woken up earlier and asked my surgeon and my parents, "Am I fixed?" Yes, I was finally fixed, but I had to stay just one night.

Once again, it was a battle all day and night to rearrange the pillows on my bed. My mom has become the master at discovering exactly which pillow piece fits into the giant pillow-pile puzzle, and ya'll, it's not easy. Every inch and angle counts, and if it's wrong, it's miserable (by the way, one must sleep sitting straight up with a broken/newly fixed collar bone). 

I greatly enjoyed and appreciated all the company, flowers, and cards I received that day. However, the BEST present came around 4:00: a visit from Brady, Garrett, and Drew. WHAT?!?! They all took off work and made the effort to come all the way to Henderson, TX just to see me. Oh my word. I knew I called them family for a reason; I could have kissed each of them 1000 on the cheek and given them 1000 more hugs if I could. They even brought me a kitten coloring books (because they know I love kittens), crayons, the Fun CD, flowers, candy, and a giant, handmade poster! I am speechless at their tender hearts, their dedication to friendship, and their love and care. They will never know how much that meant to me!! THANKS BOYS!

Recovery has been a tad slower than I was anticipating. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I refuse to take pain meds until bedtime. I can now straighten my arm when I walk, and I can use my left hand, but my entire upper shoulder/chest area is still immobile...and numb. Yesterday, mom and I removed my bandage, and it was time to reveal my battle scar. Lying down in fear of passing out, we slowly peeled it off, and my beautiful, LONG, new cut was in full exposure (well, with lots of tape over it). It goes literally from my neck to the end of my shoulder, which is way longer than we thought, and the stitches are along the inside. I'll admit, I sort of freaked out a little bit on first glance through my iPhone (I had to be laying down to see it, being Miss Dramatic to some degree). After much more time to get used to it, I've come to lots of conclusions about this thing:

1) Our bodies ARE merely tents, and this body is merely mist and then it's gone according to the Lord's time and creation. 2) They make scar-removal cream and patches. 3) I'm fixed. 4) It could have been WAY worse. 5) I stinkin' got it SLEDDING IN SWITZERLAND 6) You never know the conversations it could cause me to strike up. 7) Scars are a part of us that remind us who we are and what we've been through to get there; they're a part of our story. 8) It can be beautiful no matter what. 9) One day, it will be one of someone's favorite things about me. 10) I can make jokes about it. 11) I will ALWAYS remember the incredible trip I had and the things I learned that helped grow me into...me! 12) I decided it can be my constant reminder to just...BE! 13) I already named it Mount Titlis. My aunt says I could call it Tit for short, but that might be pushing it...haha!! Sorry, I just had to put that on here.

The Lord continues to romance me. He has revealed Psalm 23:2 to me these past several days, "He makes me lie down in green pastures." I am one to NEVER really rest, and coming home, being bed-ridden, and under constant parental care and supervision, I have been forced to lie down and rest. The Lord knew I needed it. It's also been cool for my parents too; they have their little girl back, and they get another go-around taking care of her as if she were a toddler again (or at least I feel like I'm a toddler). My mom has thoroughly enjoyed being the caretaker, and I'm sincerely glad I could give her this role again, although my brother, Jonathan, has helped some in giving me THREE foot massages already! What a good brother.

Le Jour Vingt-Huit (Day 28)

Garrett bought everyone a prize. Mine was a snuggle buddy
named MUFFIN!! 

This was it. At 3:00 a.m., after sleeping for an hour and a half, Garrett came and picked up all my bags for me (thank the LORD!) and loaded them onto my coach. After having a throw-away party the night before, my bag weighed only 48 pounds…with two bottles of wine in it too! I was impressed. We loaded the coach half out of it (which was like double for me), and we were off to Zurich airport, about an hour away. I felt like a rag doll, and I think I might have taken a little too much of my emergency medicine without eating enough with it. At 4:30, whenever we finally met up with the whole group, Garrett, Landon, Brady, and Amber grabbed all my stuff, organized and knew where literally every item I owned was, and went into caretaker/navigator/brother/sister/mom/dad mode. I don’t know what one would exactly call it, but I don’t think I understood how long this day was about to be and how I literally would not have survived if it weren’t for these people… no exaggeration.

Our flights were split into two groups: early flight and late flight. Kelly, Drew, and Allison were on the early flight. As soon as we arrived and I sat down, we had to say goodbye to them. No time for tears or much hugs; it was over, and we were really going home…

I felt terrible and extremely out of it. My people took turns sitting with me, wheeling my luggage, and taking care of checking my bag in. Most of the day was a blur, but I do remember the worst part: we were waiting to board our one-hour flight to London from Zurich, and we had about a 3-hour delay. Most of that time went toward going through security and customs, but the rest was dedicated to merely sitting in the most uncomfortable chairs and just waiting. Sitting between Brady and Garrett and across from Amber, I couldn’t get comfortable, I was hurting, I was EXHAUSTED, and just miserable. I’ve been trying this whole time to have a good attitude toward all of this, knowing the Lord is sovereign, that this is a good gift from Him, that He will be glorified, and that this was all in His perfect plan, but in this moment, I was broken…and on meds. I remember slouched down in my seat with my eyes closed, trying to get a baby nap in, but the waterworks came before I could stop them. Everyone was sprawled all around our seating area dead asleep, but these three angels stayed awake with me as I silently cried. They played with my hair, wiped my tears, bought me water to drink, and encouraged me with words that I know came straight from Heaven. Words cannot describe what this meant to me.

I slept the entire plane ride, and the rest of the day was filled with more walking, exhaustion, bonding, and my family taking care of me. They basically did everything for me except actually pick me up and carry me like a baby, which I wouldn’t have minded at this point! Just kidding, they were doing way more than even necessary, and I was extremely grateful and blessed. I told all of them they will make great moms and dads one day, and I was trying my hardest to be as much of an encouragement as possible. Brady told me I had no say-so, and that all he asks is that I be an easy patient as they take care of me, as in, just let them do it…because they WANT to. I can do that…

The 9-hour flight to Houston was…a little rough. During take off, we went through a major storm, and the turbulence was incredibly bad, which meant my whole body was being shaken, causing my shoulder to move and the bones to glide against one another quite painfully. There was nothing any of us could do about it. Sitting beside Sydney, Amber, and Brady, all they could do was pray, rub my hands and wipe my tears as I cried like a baby. I gave up being strong at that point; that was the most pain I think I’ve ever endured in my entire life, HOLY COW!

I slept almost the entire plane ride, and everyone was so incredibly helpful and thoughtful, it was unreal: the flight attendants, my friends, the random people sitting behind me, the Macs, and the rest of the students. My family fixed me an excellent pillow and blanket arrangement that helped secure me in my seat, which felt a million times better!

By the end of the plane ride, I felt much better and rested. Garrett had eventually moved back to sit with us, so it was nice to have my little family all together! Speaking of family, it was now time to meet ours, and I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive. It was so much change to endure at once: I am now in Texas after being in 7 other countries for the last month, the people I call family and who know exactly how to take care for me are all about to leave me as we go our separate ways, and the left side of me is crushed. Oh yeah, and I’m on meds that already make me feel…strange.

Seeing my parents for the first time, everything said above hit me, and my reaction wasn’t quite what they had expected from me. They also didn’t know my injury was as bad as it was, so needless to say, we were all a bit thrown off. It was now time to say all of our goodbyes, and the waterworks came again. These people mean the world to me, and I couldn’t have imagined doing this trip without them. I am so blessed by their endless, selfless friendship, and I am inspired by their obedience, their ability to love others no matter what, and the love displayed for each other. I am stronger because of their encouragement, humbled by their maturity, and blessed by the level of confidence in their faith and who they are as people. Although we said our goodbyes, our little family will reunite again this fall, for we are all Aggies! Many game/crepe nights to come and friendships to willingly nurture! Thank you guys for everything you have done. Thoughts and prayers about/for you are hourly, and I will be forever thankful to have met you. You have meant more than you will ever know!

What a trip this was. I had been dreaming about going to Europe for YEARS, and I did it…I really did it!! EEEK! I saw so much and was CAPTIVATED by so many sights and scenes. The Lord displayed his brilliance in London, his strength in Paris, his comfort in Avignon, his beauty in Nice, his elegance in Italy, his glory in Austria, his delight in Germany, and his majesty and love in Switzerland.

During this trip, I delighted in simply BEING. I don’t appreciate the history, the museums, the architecture, or the typical touristic things. I find rest and am inspired by the culture, the people, the scenery, and the awe factor of the Lord’s majesty and grace. I appreciate the cultural differences and enjoyed further discovering why people are the way they are. My favorite part was talking to locals and learning about their likes, their life, what they are passionate about, and what motivates them. My only regret was not talking to enough people and becoming pen-pals: a failure to give people I talked to my name and e-mail.

Not only was I CAPTIVATED by scenery, but I was particularly CAPTIVATED by watching the gospel play out through other people on a daily basis. I watched the people I was soon to call family love, accept, and forgive other people (including me) no matter what the circumstance, and it was beautiful, reminding me of the Lord’s faithfulness, grace, and CONSISTENT love, which is a love that will NEVER expire. Moments, people, and sights on this trip all contributed to helping me grow to be the woman I so prayerfully desire to be: a CAPTIVATING woman.

Thanks for keeping up with my blog during my trip! I am going to continue keeping up with it, though maybe not on a daily basis. I have genuinely enjoyed writing about my adventures, and it has re-sparked my love of writing. Feel free to continue following me! It would be fun to read if every day of my life was as adventure-filled as my trip, but I will try to keep it entertaining. Maybe one day my life WILL be consistently adventure-filled; that IS what I’ve always prayed for…

Le Jour Vingt-Sept (Day 27)

I didn’t sleep very good. I kept dreaming that something was grabbing my shoulder/neck, and every time I felt it, I would jump, which would cause me to wake up every time. Yikes! I hate dreams like that. Also, It’s impossible to sleep lying down with a broken collarbone, so sleeping sitting up is the best I can do. Eyes popped open at 7:00 a.m. this morning, and I was ready to go for the day! Okay, I was in a lot of pain, and a bit tired, but after taking my Swiss meds, getting dressed, and eating breakfast, I knew the Lord was going to provide just enough energy for everything we were doing that day.

We had two professional company visits this morning, and it’s such a God thing that they were both in of one of our hotels (we had to split up into three hotels just one block away from each other). The first was Bucherer and the other was Johnson and Johnson. I think many people were shocked I was there that morning; I’ll admit, I kind of was too, but I have a major Fear Of Missing Out syndrome that I cannot cure, so, doped up on meds and resting my arm on a pillow, I was there…at least…somewhat there.

I’ll admit, I didn’t get a whole lot out of these visits; I don’t really remember much of what they said. As soon as they were over, I was more than ready to go back to the hotel, change, rest, and get some lunch in me! A large group of us sat outside our hotel for a long time eating our lunch, visiting, and taking in the fact that this is our LAST day in Europe; woah. If I weren’t half way out of it, I think I would have been way more sentimental and emotional. We decided the theme for the day was simply to BE! It has been so cool to watch Sydney, Allison, Kelly, and several of the boys learn this term, and I think they have all finally grasped it. There was no need to stress over schedules or stress about making sure we saw tons of historical monuments. I think it is so very important to BE in moments, because if you aren’t, and you constantly worry about that next step, then you never enjoy the moments you are in, which are made to be enjoyed.

Today, every one just…WAS! And it was beautiful. We walked around the city, saw a famous monument of a lion, walked across a famous, old bridge covered in flowers, and went to the Bucherer store, where Kelly got her a Swatch, and I got my dad a Swiss knife for Father’s Day! I don’t know if it was t he best idea to walk around in my condition today. I was sort of slow (slower than usual at least), numb, hot, and exhausted, but I wasn’t dare going to say anything. Had to keep going! When it came to about dinner time, I knew I needed a long rest. I told Kelly I thought it might be best if I took a long nap during dinner so that I could be energized for the dessert cruise that night! She agreed, and so I took a two-hour nap.

When Kelly came back to the room from dinner, I think she was in shock to find me fully dressed, hair fixed, and makeup on! I was even wearing a dress and leggings. I must say, I was pretty proud of myself. Energized for the evening and doped up once again on the meds written in German (whatever they were, they made me numb and happy), we walked downstairs and met up with the rest of the group just in time!

Like I said...

The cruise was magical. Aboard a yacht-type boat, all 78+ faculty spread out on the big, open rooftop, overlooking a gorgeous Switzerland lake that touched large cliffs and the city of Lucerne. Snow-capped mountains danced in the background and looked like a mere backdrop on our perfect, sunset boat ride. Speaking of sunset, it was probably one of the most beautiful, pink and orange sunsets I’ve ever encountered in my life, and the fact that we were in a foreign country with some of the greatest individuals I’ve ever experienced true friendship with, it made it all the more better. Below deck, they served us an endless amount of dessert. My favorite was the apple strudel..mmm…

I cannot believe this is it. I think if I would have been fully myself, my emotions and sentimental nature would have gotten the best of me that night. I would have also made sure I spoke to EVERY person and gotten a picture with them. I couldn’t help the way I felt though, and I was content sitting with the people I call family and taking pictures whenever people asked, which I am very thankful for, seeing as how Miss Picture Initiator was a little…out of it! Haha, I think people were still surprised I was even there. Are you kidding me?! This is the main reason why I waited for surgery. Europe had to be done right. Switzerland had to be ended well, and I NEEDED to be with my people! The evening was filled with thankfulness, beauty, conversations, pictures, dessert, music, friendships, and a warm, satisfied, peaceful feeling that everything in the world (at least in that moment) was right and couldn’t get any better. We were alive, had the trip of a lifetime, made lasting friendships and memories, have incredible stories, and grew in a myriad of ways as individuals. After being all thoughtful and thankful for my life and the people around me, it was time for some music and dancing. We sang the Aggie war hymn and even did the wobble! Yes, I did the wobble. Was that the best idea? Probably not, but like I said, I was numb. And I had fun doing it too.

Le Jour Vingt-Six (Day 26)

Oh, man. What a day today was, and one I will never forget. Today was our trip to the top of a mountain, Mount Titlis, to sled and tube! We are all split up in different hotels because they couldn’t get us all in at one, so we met at the Flora hotel at 7:45, dressed in the closest thing to ski attire any of had (my old cheer shoes that I’m throwing away did a decent job), ready to rock N roll!

The whole way up was THE absolute most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life: green rolling hills, many sporadically placed orange-roofed houses, majestic mountains with snow-covered peaks, a blue sky, and clouds barely kissing the tops of the mountains. It was a scene that no words can describe, and I felt so spirit-filled and blessed to behold such a sight. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to be doing what I’m doing. At the top after 30-45 minutes, we took dozens and dozens of pictures in the snow!! What’s the weather like in Texas? No big deal, I’m just playing in the snow across the pond here in the Swiss Alps! We had snowball fights, laughed, and took our time making our way over to sledding, expressing our (or at least I know my) desire to just be in the moment! Everyone was joyful and thankful for these precious 3 hours we were given up there!

In line waiting to go tubing, I looked over and saw lots of people sledding, which was much, much shorter of a line than the one we were in. anxious to go down, Kell and I decided to bail on the tubing and just sled instead. She went down first, and I got an awesome video of her! Not being able to wait any longer, drew and I took a quick selfie picture with kell’s camera before I gave all my stuff to brady to hold and get a video of me going down. I asked drew to go at the same time as me, but he said he wanted to watch but will come shortly after! I grabbed a sled, waved at Brady, and was flying down the steep hill full speed in no time. It was extremely hard to steer, and I felt like I was going out of control, but the upward sloping hill caught my speed as I slowed to a stop, facing the opposite of where I came from. That was fun!

Here’s where everything changed. The next thing I knew, I got hit HARD on the left side of my upper body from my sweet friend who came after me. My first thoughts were wow, that’s embarrassing, and my brain told my body to jump up and shake it off….except, I couldn’t move it…at all. “Oh no, oh no, not real, not happening; you’re okay!” I started trying to convince myself of in my head. But I knew something was hurt; I couldn’t feel my whole left side of my upper body, mostly around my shoulder and collar bone area. I laid there in the snow for a long time just trying to breathe and not scream or panic, and I could feel a crowd surrounding me sort of freaking out…

 

I heard lots of German, and was being asked if I was okay. Oh, no, I don’t think so because here came some tears and finally some normal breathing. They tried picking me up by my arms… not a good idea. OWIIIEEEE! They stood me up and felt all over my arm, but nothing really hurt. He began pressing on my collarbone. Oh, yep. That’s it. AAAAHHHH!!!!! He looked at me in the eyes and said, “I think it’s broken.” I wanted to vomit, pass out, or at least wake up from this bad dream. Not now! Not today! I’ve never broken a bone in my body! God, what in the world are You doing? I was fighting a negative attitude and lots of tears…

They loaded me up in this huge, bumpy snowplow machine contraption to help me up the mountain. Dr. Mac got in with me, although I told him he didn’t have to. That was the longest 5 minutes of my entire life, for the pain was almost unbearable. In the snow plow, before carrying me to a wheelchair, my sweet moutain rescue man gave me a sugar cube with numbing juice in it…mm, a little better. I could feel the pieces in my collar getting caught on each other, TMI? The sweet man that carried me everywhere and sat my finally in a wheelchair asked my name so he didn’t have to keep saying “lady.” I asked for his through tears. Edwin. It was an even longer 45 minutes allllll the way back down the mountain, having to change gondolas 3 different times in a wheel chair. We even had to crowd in with everyone else, and the Chinese took pictures of me, like they do for everything else. Why not the handicapped American girl too? Sorry, not being racist. We love the Chinese, and the inside jokes are harmless and with love, of course, but they were on my  nerves this time.

 

It was really rough, and the pain was increasing with every bump. I decided I might as well make the best of it and asked God for an attitude change, although it was hard. I wanted to make the best of the situation for Dr. Mac as well because I felt bad taking him away from everyone else, including his wife. So, I gritted my teeth and tried to act the most like myself I knew how, so, through tears, I asked Edwin to tell me all about his life. Him and Dr. Mac both laughed, and that made me laugh too, but when he realized I was being serious, he proceeded to tell me all about himself: his two kids, his wife, his job, his travel experiences. Down, down the gondola we went, and his answers to my many questions had me intrigued with this 38-year-old mountain man’s life and what Switzerland was like. Toward the end, Dr. Mac told me this might as well just be my interview! Score. The Lord always provides… after he was done telling me about him, he asked me who I was, and I was pleasantly surprised by his interest and compassion. Bless his heart. During our whole ride back, as I explained who I was, he frequently kept bending down, looking at me in the eyes, wiping my tears, pushing my hair back, and telling me I was going to be okay. After a snowplow ride, 3 gondola excursions, and placement into a van, I asked Edwin if he was going to leave me. He was taking such good care of me, he knew how to hold me and what my injury was, and he yelled at people to get out of the way. He asked me if I wanted him to stay as long as he could and I nodded my head. He laughed.

We finally arrived at the medical center at the bottom of the village, and I immediately had attention from a doctor, a nurse, and Edwin. We had finally got to the part I was dreading the most, the part I knew needed to happen before anything could be done: taking off my clothes…all my thick clothes surrounding my arm/chest. I sat on a tiny stool, took a big breath. One by one, they pulled each of my four layers off my arm and over my head. I cried the entire time. And poor Dr. Mac was just in the corner helplessly watching. They finally got down to my last piece: my sports bra. Heck, no, ya’ll aren’t about to take this sucker off! They didn’t. Edwin wiped all my tears off, then I was asked by he young doctor man to stand and turn multiple times as he took several X-Rays of me. I was so thankful I made the bra choice I did this morning. I already felt violated enough standing half-naked in front of three men, including my professor.

The results were back. Four fractures in my collar bone. He explained that I would need surgery because the left side of me has been crushed and shortened, and plates and screws would reconstruct it. They called a taxi to take me to another hospital. Oh, Jesus, Jesus, REALLY? REEEALY??! I thought I was going to pass out. Literally. They laid me down on a bed and let me just take that info in and pray. Okay God, I’m not going to ask why, but WHAT are you doing? How do you want to be glorified in this? Edwin came in then. He sat on my bed, and told me in a soothing voice how strong I was and how after surgery, I will be as good as new; he said I will heal so fast and the pain would go away! When I nodded, he told me he had to go back to his job. I nodded, and he helped sit me up and put my fleece around me. He wasn’t about to leave without taking a picture with me! This was my interview…and I wanted to remember him; I didn’t care how awful I looked. “Dr, Mac! Please take our picture!” we even got one with the other Dr., and they did Gig’em with me! Edwin wrote down his email and stuck it in my back pocket. “E-mail me after your surgery so I know you’re okay.” He patted my head, said goodbye, then left.

On Dr. Mac and I went to the hospital. They put me in a gown, laid me in a room, and the cute little nurse poked me 3 different times before they were able to draw blood/put IV’s in, but she told me all about herself while it happened so I was semi-distracted. Before I knew it, I had 3 nurses in there with me, and they were all so young! They were so cute pretending they could talk perfect English, and I could tell they were fascinated when I talked. I knew all their names.

Edwin

My new doctor came in; he was young and blond. He told me I had the option of having surgery today, which means faster recovery, instant pain relief, and 4 extra days in Switzerland; or, dope up on pain meds, grit my teeth, fly home, and do it in the states. He told me that medically, I could even wait 10 days before having surgery. Oh, this was a hard decision. Poor Dr. Mac offered for himself to stay with me if I chose surgery… relief sounds so good… but I went with what would benefit EVERYONE: to wait. I was stinkin’ still in Europe! I’m not spending the next two days in some hospital when I could be getting everything I was supposed to out of this trip. The rest of the activities were do-able, and I was about to tough it out. I only get to do this trip once in my life, and I wasn’t about to end my time with my new family like this! I would have highly regretted it. Also, the rest of the 77 students need Dr. Mac; he’s their leader and hero, and it wouldn’t be the same him not being there just because he was tending to me. If I waited, I would cause no inconvenience with changing flight schedules or all the systems they had all worked so hard to carefully plan out. My parents, I figured, would much rather take care of me post-surgery and would only worry about me being in a foreign country, being operated on, with hardly any form of communication. Finally, my travel insurance will sill cover all my expenses 30 days after arrival to the states without a deductable! The answers were all coming from God, exactly the way He ordained them to. I felt confident in my decision. We all agreed it was the best decision. They gave me 5 boxes of meds written all in German, and released me. The doctors and I waved a big goodbye as I walked out the door. I like these Swiss people.

 

Daddy Mac and I went back to the hotel. I hadn’t eaten all day since breakfast, the pain killers were in full swing, I was car sick, and I felt like I was going to puke. i went straight to my room and ate a granola bar…ah, that was it. I need food with this stuff. Got it. As soon as I was done reading the sweet card Kelly left on my pillow, now alone in our room, she walked in, and I was immediately relieved and comforted by her presence. Our sweet roommate from Italy, Amber, was with her. They both have a nurturing, motherly, hospitable gift, even though Amber explained she got a concussion right before my accident. Looks like Mount Titlus dominated us all… Kelly told me she would help me literally do everything, she learned how and when to take my meds, and they even went and got me a smoothie!

 

I went downstairs and called my parents, was comforted by the thoughts of all my study abroad friends, and by the eventual presence of Kelly, Brady, Sydney, Garrett, Landon, and Allison. Brady, Landon, and Garrett all wrote me their own version of a get well note/poem/song that made me feel loads better! My friend who crashed into me, Drew, wasn’t there, and I prayed he wasn’t upset or blamed himself. It’s not his fault! He’s so sweet…

The Lord told me I must be a light through this; I didn’t know what that meant or looked like, but I knew it had to start with my attitude and actions. Praise be to the One who deserves all the glory! James 1:17 (Every good and perfect gift comes from above, and no matter what I think now, this was a PERFECT gift to me). I HAD to finish Europe strong…

Tonight, we had what Sydney termed as “Spa Night.” She talked in a Japanese accent and told me to step into her office (my bathroom). I told you these people were my family: Kelly and Sydney made an executive decision to…clean me up. This consisted of me sponge bathing, them washing my hair and feet, Kelly washing my face in bed, and Sydney brushing my teeth in bed. You can’t ask for better friends than that, I don’t care what anyone says. WOW!!! They have taught me so much about selfless service, and I pray I am obedient in this way too. Afterward, we had a long pillow talk, and it was wonderful, enlightening, and straight from Jesus. I love these women.

Eventually, I took meds and went to bed… I’m doing everything tomorrow.

Le Jour Vingt-Cinq (Day 25)

Sorry I’ve been super behind on blogs. It’s been really difficult to find wifi for the last several days. I’ve been writing, just haven’t been able to post anything. In fact, not having wifi, a phone, or any contact with what is back at home is…freeing. We’ve had to do everything old school even here, including saying when/where we are meeting if we even want to see anyone! If I could resort to letter writing and face-to-face interaction for the rest of my life I totally would, in all seriousness.

Kelly and I woke up early this morning so that we could have a long breakfast and get a good seat on the bus, as in, NOT in the very back. The breakfast of course didn’t compare to Munich’s, but it was still good and had that yummy chocolate granola I’m obsessed with.

We spent most of the day traveling on the coach, and it rained most of the day today. The only time it really didn’t rain was whenever we stopped in Fussen to take a tour of the Neuwachstein Castle! It was built by King Ludwig II who built it in order to withdraw from public life, but he never finished it because he died from “mysterious circumstances,” most likely suicide. The castle remains unfinished to this day. We walked across a bridge between two huge cliffs; below us was a very, very long ways down with rushing water that reminded us of canyoning, except it looked a million times more dangerous. I spent a long time admiring the castle from the bridge and taking pictures from it before we had to go tour the inside of it! It was way more colorful and more home-like than any castle I’ve ever seen. There were so many paintings, colors, and one can tell he had a lovely personality (or at least I want to think he did). Also, a symbol all throughout the castle was the swan, and it made the atmosphere of the castle even better. I love swans! We figured the movie Swan Princess (one of my favorite Disney movies) was inspired by this too. We even saw big, live swans in a nearby lake! I ran like a little girl over to them and took probably 20 pictures of them; there were even babies! It was incredible.

This is really random, but there were also like a million Asian people there too. Everyone noticed, and it became a small joke while we were there, but none of us really understood why HERE?! They were super friendly though; they kept initiating pictures with us for some reason…? Large groups of Asians and old people. That’s what we’ve seen A LOT of. It’s hilarious!

More traveling, sleeping, and rain, and we arrived in Liechtenstein, which is the smallest German-speaking country in the world. We were there 45 minutes, just enough time to walk around and get a change of scenery. Kelly and I met these British boys who came boldly up to meet us while we were getting free wifi somewhere. They asked if we spoke English or if we were from England, haha, we wish! We noted that boys and Europe are much more forward than in the U.S., and they are just more confident in who they are, not really caring what other people think. Hm....

More bus, more T.A. Ryan talking on the microphone at the front (that’s become a big joke on the trip; he’s very southern, talks way too much, and loves the sound of his own voice), and more staring at the rainy window as I had so much time to listen to music, think, come up with strategies on how I can get back here, and wish this trip wasn’t almost over.  By the end of the bus ride, lots of people were getting a little antsy, so I started playing the song “Some Nights” by Fun out loud on my phone and tried to start a dance party. The only one who really participated (and she overly participated) was Sydney, who grabbed my phone and made Ryan play it over the microphone. We danced and clapped and had a grand ol’ time, not really caring about what the grumpy gills in the back thought; I announced it was our Swiss theme song… SHOWEEEEE! Haha, then we played the wobble and Sydney wobbled in the isle of the bus and everyone died laughing. We love her. So much.

We arrived in Lucerne, cold and a little wet, but this place is SO COOL and beautiful! I love our hotel, the atmosphere, and the people so far. The women are gorgeous and the men are too, after Kelly and I eye-balled each other with raised eyebrows after a whole slew  of them walked by in some sort of uniforms. We grabbed a slice of pizza from a place right next to our hotel, and the workers in there were so funny! We immediately noticed that everything here is VERY expensive, like, pretty much everything is double, sometimes triple what it would be in the U.S. That pizza was some of the best I’ve ever had, and we got a “smoothie” from McDonalds afterward for dessert! We had orientation, final group presentations, wi-fi hunt, and bed. We get to go to a mountain tomorrow J